jPay message #013

Every time I think I understand this prison bullshit I get thrown a curve ball.It sucks because there really is no such thing as “friends” here because someone will do you dirty as soon as they can. plus there’s the added dimension that I’m a white college grad coming from an upper middle class background.…More

“Country Road with Rick Ross”

From the outside lookin in, I’m currently imprisoned because I’m a big-time cocaine dealer, serving time for a delivery/manufacture of a controlled substance 50-499 grams, or colloquially known as an over 50 charge. At the risk of detracting from my street cred, I’ll be the first to admit the reality is closer to the opposite,…More

“A Quick and Brief Enlightenment”

“God also likes to play hide-and-seek, but because there is nothing outside God, he has no one but himself to play with. But he gets over this difficulty by pretending he is not himself. This is his way of hiding from himself. He pretends that he is you and I and all the people in…More

jPay Message #011

I’m watching BETHer in the morning because it’s the best way to hear new, or remind me of old, music. It’s entirely rap, hip-hop, and r&b. During one of the videos, camron (or was it ja rule?) throws a ton of money around, and I realized, slowly and subtly: I haven’t seen actual paper money…More

“Finding Myself in a Prison Weight Pit (Antidote)”

Except for a brief period when I was 14-16, I’ve never regularly worked out. In fact, I’d estimate I’ve seriously exercised less than two dozen times in the decade prior to my incarceration. Although I’ve never been “fat”, I have been chubby and I have been weak. I’d suddenly develop a beer belly, which would…More

“Surreality”

16 months in prison, but for the first year, I hadn’t yet comprehended the actual reality. I suppose I really didn’t – or couldn’t – notice how much things inexorably changed without me until a year had passed. People move on. You can’t remember what your friends look like. They talk to you distantly on…More