jPay Message #388

I read a book about lucid dreaming and how to do it (also known as oneironautics….there’s a word-of-the-day) when I first came down, but never made much headway in the practice. Tbh, too much work and discipline. But as i was destined to run out of things to do and be bored,I was also bound…More

jPay Message #387

Watching the Raiders lose, I couldn’t help appreciating that dumpster fire of a team. Hunter Renfrow was a waiver wave steal in fantasy football, helping me to second in my league, good for 7 bags of coffee. He was the poor man’s Cooper Kupp. Plus, we’ve got the same receding hairline, so we’re basically brothers.More

“Thirst Turns To Hunger”

Constantly hearing dumb shit in here just motivates me more to fix my own bullshit. I’m content but not satisfied with where I’m at. I’m headed in the right direction at least. I work out, listen to pop radio, read the Wall Street journal, meditate twice a day, and go for a walk after lunch…More

jPay Message #385

When I think of being healthy, I tend to overemphasize the physical aspect to the detriment of my mental health. But they’re intimately related, a two-way street. Feel good about myself, feel good about my body. Feel good about my body, feel good about myself. It’s not a 1:1 correlation, however. That’s why a month’s…More

jPay Message #384

This is my 4th Christmas away. At first I didnt miss it much, too concerned with my pending fate, but now that reality’s settled in, I miss it. The holidays werent just a time to be sad and alone–maybe melancholy– but I spent it with my family, who I actually like. I kinda wonder what…More

“Bad Dreams”

When you wake up unsettled, not sure if what you saw when asleep was a dream or a real memory, perturbed (instead of disturbed, the first time that word’s ever made sense). It’s about getting up, brushing your teeth, looking into the mirror and liking what you see, or, at least, okay with looking, knowing…More