Spiderman was my fav superhero during my teen years. Not cuz i read the comics or anything–although I did own one Spiderman comic, that, alongside an issue of Swamp Thing, were the only comics I ever owned til I turned 25–but I was a big fan of the Tobey Maguire movies. I identified with his ‘sensitive pussy’ portrayal of Spiderman (unfortunately…) Kirsten Dunst’s MJ turned me on to redheads.

I was rewatching the latest Spiderman movie for the 12th time, I realized Peter Parker is raised by his Aunt, after his uncle and his mom and his dad have all died. Stan Lee raped the ‘orphan story’ trope to death in this series that we never learn what happened to his parents. Hell, no one even bothers to bring it up. 

Nowadays, I’m a comic book nerd, which is another of my not so secret shames. Im more well-versed in Marvel and DC lore, as well as other classics in the medium. 

Once I got into them, I quickly realized how bad Marvel comics are. They are almost singlehandedly responsible for the popular misconception that comics are immature entertainment for children. That’s just Marvel’s niche, which is annoying how often their movies are replayed on tv.

on the other hand, Hellboy is a superhero I can relate to, as an adult. The son of the devil, prophesied destroyer of the world, upends expectations and becomes a force for good. In the latest movie, Hellboy quips, “Im a Nazi and a demon? Thanks dad…” I may not be a red-skinned devil, but as a young, semi-privileged, straight white dude in prison, Hellboy’s dilemma seems equally applicable to my situation. Especially seen thru the lens of cable tv, people with my stats are the uber-villain during these tumultuous times.

That’s not all I sympathize with: I love how “prophesy” or “destiny” or “fate” predicts he will bring about the apocalypse, but he thwarts the seer and ends up saving mankind. He also suspends judgment about alleged villains, like the resurrected witch queen–“no, not for sure. We cant say that about her.” He knows what it’s like to have everyone believe your an awful being, so he gives her a chance, waiting to see what she actually does.

For all these reasons, Hellboy is my mothafuckin dawg, someone to emulate, even though he’s just a fictional comics character.

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