jPay Message #240

A primo example of the stereotypical prison fatass bunks in my cube. He’s a good ass dude but also a fat fucker. (I know I’m referencing this movie a lot, but think Fat Tony from the Longest Yard…that movie is fairly spot on in its depictions and jokes about prison.) he’s a fat Italian guy…More

jPay Message #234

there’s a few things I pay attention to: shoes, tattoos, what’s on their bunk, what TV shows they watch, what books they read. Not in a creepy way, but when you’re jammed into the same living quarters as a hundred and fifty motherfuckers you pick up on a few things. I’d guess a 100 have…More

jPay Message #233

my new long term, prison-art project is making a veritable spank rolodex by collecting old playboy cutouts and collating them into one “ultimate” collection. its basically scrapbooking for perverts.  I was introduced to the idea by a lifer who used to be my block rep, and whose prized book was a makeshift playboy, essentially a…More

“Neurotransmitter Nirvana”

Swimming in post workout endorphins, I lose myself in reverie, picturing the “getting sentenced to prison” montage for the future hbo show. It’ll start with my sentencing, broadcast on youtube and conducted over Zoom (a nod to the covid era); followed by a sequence detailing the difficulties of adjusting to life in the joint; finally…More

“Constant Reminder”

A constant reminder of being in prison: the COs barking on the PA system, all.fuckin. day. “Count time!! 10 min on the restroom, 5 on the day rooms!” I hear that 3 times a day, literal clockwork. sometimes they get creative with announcements. One CO will call chow and then recite an imaginary menu. “today’s…More

“Jailing with the old heads”

One of the best things about lockin in the old folks home is they’ve all done a lot of time, so every one keeps to themselves and does their time. (The day room is like a mini-casino during the day.) There’s not a bunch of young guns with a point to prove gangbanging the shit…More

A thing about italics….

You’ve probably noticed I never italics. If you did you prolly didn’t give a shit, and I don’t blame you. but if you’re dying to know, it’s cuz the app doesn’t allow me to write in bold or italics. I’ve been substituting two asterisks surrounding the word, like *this* to mimic the stylistic function of…More