jPay Message #240

A primo example of the stereotypical prison fatass bunks in my cube. He’s a good ass dude but also a fat fucker. (I know I’m referencing this movie a lot, but think Fat Tony from the Longest Yard…that movie is fairly spot on in its depictions and jokes about prison.)

he’s a fat Italian guy who goes by the moniker Ragu, like the pasta sauce. hes one of the barbers actually employed by the prison, which is convenient after losing my usual barber to bunk moves. He gave me a great cut, but was running out of breath during it, loudly exhaling as he circled around my head.  

Ragu is pretty unashamed about his obesity, and obsesses over food. Every night he throws in on a cook up, and gushes over his bowl when its done: “oh my god, fucking look at it dude! look at all that cheese!” if he could he’d post a pic on instagram. #prisoncookups #GourmetGasStationFood

when i first moved into the cube, he tried to pretend that he was done with sweets and fudge bars. that lasted about a week. soon, a jar full of candy rested on his shelf, and he regularly spends a bag of coffee on fudge bars. he reviews all the fudge makers, and will sort them in a weekly power ranking:

“Kent’s bars suck, but riddle is on the top of his game…” he slobbers, “I didn’t even know juju made bars but those are pretty fuckin good, too.”

I’ve a sweet tooth, as well, so Ragu has become my personal, flesh-and-blood Zagats guide, whom I can refer to when shopping at any prison confectionery, filling cube tables with inventive candies and sweets.

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