“Playboys, Perversions, and a Prayer”

After two years of surviving on nothing but imagination and memory (and usually some creative mixture of the two), I broke down and finally bought some porn as a stimulus to rub one out. I procured a Playboy in exchange for two yellow bags of coffee.  Playboys are some of the highest-quality porn we’re allowed…More

“Bench Player”

After finally coming into my own at the end of 8th grade, I had to start all over again and lost whatever modicum of self-confidence I had cultivated previously when I was enrolled at U of D Jesuit, an all-boys Catholic high school located in west side Detroit. The problem with the parochial school that…More

“Crazy, Sexy, Cool”

I am standing outside of Rick’s, the bar in the student part of downtown Ann Arbor, gone off a cocktail of drugs. Talking to some dude about New York city. He’s telling me about his internship there and how he ‘s moving there after graduation. I’m nodding my head, pretending I give a shit. It…More


One thing about prison life is the suddenly revelatory nature of dreams. In fact, dreaming becomes so vivid that it becomes a sort of second life…i start to wonder if it’s a truer reality than my daytime consciousness, which now feels abruptly evanescent. It’s like what that Buddhist philosopher said: I dreamed I was a…More

jPay Message #192

It’s 11:47 pm and im wondering where the day went. That’s as good as it gets in here. Since so much of prison is routine (3 counts per day, the meals, activities available), it’s best to schedule your days with a routine of your own to fill the extra time. This sameness, this Groundhog’s Day…More