“Jail Bird”

I’m a week into my 5 weeks of LOP, and losing my mind. I got my TV taken away. It turns out these messages are actually monitored. At least I’ve got one reader. 

unfortunately, the staff at jackson correctional didnt take too kindly to my nuanced sarcasm, at least, at first. My unit got raided, and I realize I probably shouldn’t have joked about the statute of limitations. when im being that stupid, im reminded of the cliche of acting desperate for attention, but hating the limelight. i dont really have anything to hide, but why poke the bear? ugh, my idiocy sometimes. 

I realize I gotta slow down. I gotta change the way I do things. There’s a big difference in mentality when you’re doing a year versus six. Literally, any one can do 18 months. It passes by so quickly you have old friends that don’t even know you’re locked up. But now, it’s like… what I’ve done so far wasn’t hard, but the years stretch out before me. It’s like a yawning canyon I need to cross, a chasm I could get lost in. I’ve never felt so sincerely sorry, and yet, completely cognizant of how inadequate any apology is. I just hope my life isn’t defined by a single event, and I can see that happening, ya know, for simple human reasons.

Anyweezy, Im not getting my TV back from the police for another month. Thats how I know Im fucking up in here–everytime I get in my bunk, I look at a blank wall and an empty shelf. Furthermore, I ran out of books to read. I’m stuck in the cube, so I can only do pushups for exercise. I sold the gross chicken on the bone for two soups; collected bread at dinner so I can make pb&j’s when I’m back at the house; and then got a quick workout in (dips, pull ups, 3.5 mile run), so I wouldn’t lose my mind. 

The first couple laps round the track I’m thinking, fuck man this is it, this is my life… but it doesn’t have to be. I can do better. I can change. I even have. But I need to act smarter, especially cuz im in prison.

it’s hot out, the sun feels great, im two miles in, and sweat is like my body’s way of saying, here come the endorphins… and then all those thoughts about prison, and my life, and my role in society and the people around me, all those trivial complaints vanish…then the new song i just downloaded queues up (it’s Ciara’s “Body Party”, lol yikes, that’s embarrassing, but dont judge me til you watch the video), and I feel some kind of invincible…thats why working out is a prison necessity: you need that attitude and you need it for real, there’s no chemical substitute. All worries melt away with the sweat; and in my mind, a loud, pleasurable hum resonates….Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

8 Comments

  1. Brendan says:

    I’m confused about this email talk, maybe it has to do with Quora, but anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pixie Pete 🧚🏼‍♀️🧚🏼‍♂️🧚🏼‍♀️ says:

    Reading these replies and just thought I’d let u know I got here from Quora, and have followed so u can send me emails Jj!!! 😁😃😄

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Josh Weigand says:

    Brendan,
    You are an awesome man. I have no idea what got you in prison, and frankly, I do not care. It is irrelevant.
    You are an intelligent young man, but you lack wisdom. Listen to good advice; in, out, wherever.
    Stay clean and avoid getting your nose dirty. Time to 180 as opposed to learning “new tricks.” Be an old dog and avoid those tricks.
    Lastly, Jesus loves you. Don’t let the institution of religion that you grew up in drive you away from our creator. He loves you, so. No thing and nothing you do can ever separate you from His love. There are plenty of individuals in your new community that have found his peace. His Spirit can be your best friend. Receive Him and you’ll not only be able to help yourself, but some of the dudes you run with.
    Much love sir,
    Josh Weigand

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Brendan says:

      Thanks Josh. I’ll pass your message along to Brendan. That carries a lot of weight.

      P.s. any responses you get on here are written by Jake J or Andy Mac. Not Brendan, live from the can. I do think some of us can find solace, comfort and relief in religion. Mostly all of us can find it in some form of spirituality – religion being a good example. That’s just my opinion though (JJ), and not necessarily reflective of Easy Trouble as a whole.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Joshua Weigand says:

        Hello JJ,
        It is now 3am and I have found myself reading in Brendan’s stories for the past 4 hours now. I remember I had posted previously, shortly after moving to Virginia, but could not recall what story.
        After about the 50th comment I realized it was you, yes you Polska, in the comments. This was before I saw any post as JJ or related to Andy. Even your comments are authentically true to your personality. I hope all is well with you.

        I’d like to make Brendan laugh so hears a story from tonight and I know he appreciates all things PPP, poop, porn, penis’.

        Somewhere along the lines of reading about Bigs stomping out Brendan’s chest, our three month old daughter let out an approximate 14 second fart. Impressive from a human being so pure and tiny. Reminds us of what is labeled as gross or appalling, is just a harmless bodily function, no different than his morning wood in the cell. Love you fellas.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Carla Poe says:

      Ok im reading this its cool i hope all things go well my love is in Tucson Az.doin time in 20 months left and i cant wait just keep up mental spirits k

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Brendan says:

        Thank you I’ll pass this on to my brother ! He appreciates all the kind comments . If you don’t mind me asking how did you come across the blog ? I’m wondering because I’m curious where I get views from . Thanks again

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Brenda Poe says:

        Don’t send me any email

        Like

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