jPay message #094

so my cube has changed again and its kinda straight for the first time in over 6 months. there’s 5 black dudes and 3 white dudes which is probably the best ratio. it’s black enough so no one will try running up into the cube on some scandalous shit but there’s enough whites so you don’t become cube punching bag by default.

really, the only dude I don’t fuck w is my bunkie, the aforementioned crack head. that’s 3 within the past month, it went from an old Mexican (cool), a 21 year old cho (uncool), and 40-50 year old crack enthusiast. But even the miserable fuck that complains all the time has even been tolerable this past week. and then there’s Todd and DC, a young white guy, not a gang banger, not a bitch, not a chomo (weird white nerds and basically every minority not black/Hispanic make up the sex offenders). that’s basically the 3 point checklist for ‘friends’ in prison….they’re really just dudes you can fuck with on that level. but yeah, lately I’ve had some of my prejudices challenged in a positive way because of my diverse environment…. I’ve had to admit to myself that dudes named Todd can be cool.

funny how: guys do it all the time but making plans with another prisoner to link up on that money tip or to just kick it generally backfires and you’ll see both them dudes back in the joint after 8 months.

dude, today’s just been one of those days where it hits me like “I’m in friggin prison ha”. definitely didnt envision myself as that guy you knew growing up/from school who’s now in prison. i never jotted down “prison bit” when asked what I wanted to do with my new degree. im just impatient for a time when this becomes a chapter in my life instead of my everyday reality.

but seriously , I thought they’d send me to jail first before prison so I could “learn” my lesson…yeah, I’m still salty about that.

now I’m in prison with a bunch of professional criminals: guys who hit licks for a living or literally hustled dope all day everyday for rent, for a car, for child support; theres also the chomos who either hate consent or love children; then, there’s the gangbangers who, while also illegally occupied, patrol the violent boundaries of the black market.

(I was literally about to write “underground industries” because I forgot that “black market” was a term that existed to describe exactly what I was trying to. I’m unsure if that phrasing shows off my creative word choice or makes it clear that I write like Joey from Friends, referring to a thesaurus for every other word.)

finally, there’s the outliers like me, who probably shouldn’t be here, a hodgepodge of generally decent guys with either a drug problem, or a crazy vindictive bitch, or probation violations. prison is just a foreign environment. I dunno maybe all cons feel this way at first, and then prison just becomes something that weaves in and out of your life in chunks measured by years, and you just become used to it. I always thought that real criminals never “planned” on prison but neither were they ever surprised they made it to the big house.

yesterday, ac humble bragged, “shit I made it 5 years from my last bit to this one. That’s a good run, ain’t it? unlike some of these other fucking idiots getting kicked out of boot camp or cutting off their tether”…he’s got a good point,though, even if a depressing one.

well, I gotta get a haircut today but Idk who’ll do it for me. the guy that normally does is in another unit so we’d have to do it on the yard and keep a constant lookout for any co’s. I just don’t wanna be brushing hair off my coat for the next two weeks.

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